Yep, I just found that out courtesy of my Internet machine. I bet feeding birds is really fun and relaxing, except for one thing: I hate birds. Those cold, dead, emotionless eyes and their despicable clamoring for attention via chirpy song and provocative dance… I’m not giving any of my grub to these clowns.
Like in this little clip from YouTube. Every bird from a 5 miles radius comes to chow down on this guy’s white bread, and as soon as he is done? Well, it’s like he never existed. Birds.
If bird feeding is the route you want to go, then by all means visit these guys and they’ll probably tell you all about birdseed or something. Me? I’m just going to turn it around a little and celebrate ‘National Feeding On Birds Month,’ which I think has the same general spirit as the original.
If, like me, you plan on throwing a little party to celebrate National Feeding On Birds Month, here are some crucial questions to consider:
- Original or extra-crispy? I’m kinda OG and I like to keep it real, so it’s original for me, but I’m not gonna bad-mouth you if you choose extra-crispy. Probably not, anyway.
- Turkey makes you sleepy? Picture this scenario: you’re rocking your bird-eating party hard, blasting some epic tunes from your tape deck and munching on a giant Butterball. Right when the Skrillex drop hits so does the tryptophan, and now your party is in serious trouble – nap time, everybody. Ix-nay on the urkey-tay.
- Funky Chicken or Dirty Bird? Again, I’m OG – Funky Chicken all the way. The Dirty Bird is for showboats and I hate showboats.
- Angry Birds? Yes, absolutely. Anything pertaining to Angry Birds should be eaten, or at least destroyed violently and permanently. The horrid reign of this monstrous creation must be ended forever.
So, whether you’re feeding birds or eating the heck out of them, have fun, be safe, and enjoy yourself!