Best ways to annoy a roommate you want out
Most people try to be optimistic about college life; it’s an exciting and rewarding adventure, that’s true yet you may stumble upon a chaotic roommate that can make your life miserable if you allow it. You should know that if he plays dirty, you’re allowed to play dirty, too. It’s not the classy approach to conflict solving, rather immature I must admit, but it works. And it’s fun. Here’s a list of things to do to annoy a roomie, to be used as inspiration only in case of absolute necessity.
- Dive into his food and drinks anytime he’s not at home. Especially if he doesn’t like to share food.
- If he’s a meat eater incessantly preach about the benefits of being a vegetarian. Be sure to always eat the last slice of bread and use all the paper towels.
- Ask him if your family can move in just for “just for a couple of weeks.”
- Laugh, talk to yourself and sing loud constantly. Refer to yourself in the third person. If your name is Jane say “Jane’s going to take a nap!”.
- Always refer to him as “lover,” “hot pants,” “sweet cheeks,” or Edward.
- If there are people your roommate hates, get them over every night and make fun of him.
- Make a lot of noise when he’s sleeping, slam doors, turn on the TV and play music that you know he doesn’t like.
- Repeat the last word of everything he says, if he says “Turn off the music” you obviously don’t do it and repeat “music…, music…, music”.
- Buy a spider, preferably a tarantula, keep it in a jar for a week and then give it away. Tell your roomie that you lost it and you can’t find it anywhere.
- If you know he has to get up at 8 o’clock in the morning to get to school, wake up ten minutes earlier and occupy the bathroom.
On the other hand, if you want to be a good roommate and build on a happy coexistence, avoid doing any of these awful things, be kind, open and respectful of their property and treat them nicely.