Aligning roommate star signs (part 1)

Considering a new roommate relationship? Look to the stars for guidance when considering any new roommie, the timeless wisdom of the heavens is all-seeing, all-knowing, and infallible. Here at Rent Café, we have gathered expert perspectives for each star sign and added our own considered conclusions, to let you know exactly what to expect from your potential roommate.

You’re welcome!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Experts say: Your Aries roommate is a social butterfly; you will have no lack of visitors to your home, drawn by the friendly charms of your delightful co-habitant.

Conclusion: Don’t leave any food in the house, it will be eaten within minutes by everyone but you. Monthly run-ins with randoms sleeping in your bed are also to be expected. Eventually, you will be voted out of your own home by your roommate and three complete strangers.

 

 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Experts say: Your Taurus roommate loves creature comforts and will spare no expense on lavish extras: the finest bath towels and linens, flowers for every room, cozy furnishings. Taurus’s also keep a strict accounting of what belongs to who and diligently guard their hoard.

Conclusion: Beware a moving truck in the night. When the money runs out and creditors come knocking your Tauran friend will beat feet to live with mommy and daddy, and you’ll be left on the hook for cable, Internet, electric, water, next month’s rent, etc.

 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Experts say: Geminis are relentlessly curious. Your roommate will be keen on impromptu hours-long chats, late-night Q&A sessions, and regular calls while you’re at work or in class. These voyages of interpersonal discovery may lack focus, as Geminis individuals frequently require external guidance to rein in their scattered attentions.

Conclusion: You will regularly battle the urge to slay your roommate, beginning one week after you meet. As you wrestle with the unfortunate legal implications of homicide, suicide presents a compelling alternative. There is no hope… no hope… no hope…

 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Experts say: A crab carries its home on its back, a Cancer fills their home with with the limitless bounty of their rich personal lives: pictures and knickknacks, whimsical ephemera, daily found treasures, and more.

Conclusion: We’ve got a hoarder here! Upside is a small stipend from A&E Network when they bring camera crews to record the freak show. Downside is death by suffocation beneath a toppled heap of decrepit tchotchkes.

 

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