Your official March Madness 2012 prep schedule
March Madness is almost upon us, that means it’s office betting pool time! If you are a hardcore gambler in a non-gaming state, it’s also a time to visit sketchy Latvian sports betting sites in order to place your wagers (adjust your browser security settings to ‘Level: Ebola’ to avoid Russian malware infestation).
Not sure what you need to do when, in order to be part of the cool crowd? Never fear, here is your March Madness 2012 to-do timeline:
This is the big day that kicks things off, when we find out who’s in and who’s out. There will be lots of gnashing of teeth from people who are angry that their favorite team somehow got screwed out of a bid, feel free to make fun of those people. The big reveal is a bunch of dopey looking guys reading names off a list, so feel free to skip this altogether.
National Bracket Day
The marketing department at the NCAA has dubbed March 12 ‘National Bracket Day’ which is only a slightly less manufactured holiday than ‘National Buy-Hallmark-Greeting-Cards-For-No-Reason Day.’ Get those brackets filled out and make sure you pick a couple Cinderellas for some big upsets. One of these dudes is going to bust a cap in a major, and when it happens it’s the funniest thing ever because people start to literally tear their hair out and wail like North Korean mourners at Kim Jong-Il’s funeral. There is no better feeling in life than being able to point to your bracket and smugly say, “I called it.”
Aaaaaand, we’re off! Sort of… The first couple games are actually play-in games, the winners advance into the tournament then get feasted on by the #1 seeds. But it’s slightly entertaining and guessing where some of these schools are from (Binghampton? Drexel? Kentucky Fried University?) can be made into a drinking game.
Selection Sunday: March 11
National Bracket Day: March 12
Tournament Begins: March 13
Before this turns into a debate about whether 12-12-12 could mean the end of the world, let’s take 12 seconds
2011 featured a bumper crop of aggressively atrocious products, here are a few of the most (least?) noteworthy. Read these