Oh television, you deceitful scamp! You make oddball roommate relationships look so endearing and consequence-free. Don’t believe the hype, wacky roommies and contrived scenarios are not all they’re cracked up to be. Let’s look a little closer at the disparity between what’s promised and what you get.
TV life: Said buddies Kip and Henry engage in clumsy subgenderfuge to win cheap housing; they additionally gain a bevy of whimsical friends in the bargain and numerous life lessons are learned.
Real life: You will indeed win cheap housing and gain a bevy of whimsical friends… in Corcoran State Prison, following your conviction for sexual harassment, stalking, and identity theft. Life lessons to be learned include the barter value of cigarettes, how to improvise a tattoo needle, and basics of keister stashing.
TV life: Getting old is delightful! You meet the best friends of your life, engage in endless banter and hijinks, and age gracefully with undiminished quality of life.
Real life: Getting old sucks. You smell funny, watch a lot of game shows, and attend 2-4 funerals a week. Also there’s the whole diaper thing. For every one sexually intact Blanche, there are about eighteen thousand shriveled Sophias… good luck with those odds.
TV life: Nerds! They’re adorable 🙂
Real life: Nerds! They’re insufferable 🙁 If you end up living with one of these guys, after a week you’ll be forced to choose sides – homicide or suicide.
Jersey Shore (’09-the end of time)
TV life: Ah, to be young, dumb, and full of… hair product. And dumb. I said dumb already? Just making sure.
Real life: Having a smush room for six people might sound cool, but hit that dungeon with a black light and it looks like the front row at a Gallagher show… and that’s not watermelon. If you don’t have rubber waders and a breathing filter then I hope your health insurance is paid up, you’re gonna need a lot of penicillin.